hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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