I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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