I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
