You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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