there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
