Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
