i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
