everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
