speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
operation have a gay friend backfired
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
last night I used snow as a chaser
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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