You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
