there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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