didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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