went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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