i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
