From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
