I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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