I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
