i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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