you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
