So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
