we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
