mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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