dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
