We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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