u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You work out of a Hotel?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
