READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
