I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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