Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He felt like a one man threesome
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
