what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
