i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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