its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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