New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
