You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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