She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
