So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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