Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
