college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
