i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The Olympian is in my bed
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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