I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
