I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
