Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
