You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
