she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
