Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
