Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
