i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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