We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
