I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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