He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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