If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
