Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
