Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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