Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just pee around me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
