i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
